Border security

It turned out that the day we were to go to Jerusalem was a Friday, which is special to both Muslims and Jews and so the border closes at 2.30pm.  We were advised to go as early as possible because of this and so we arrived at 8.30.

The departures office was full of backpacks and kids and Muslim women.  It didn’t take long to realise something was up.  After about half an hour, we discovered that the process to be stamped out of Jordan which normally takes 5 minutes was delayed – their one computer was not working properly and it was now taking about an hour to process one passport.

After about 3 hours, the immigration officers, who up till now had all been sitting around the computer and looking at each other with quizzical looks on their faces, decided that maybe writing the passport details out could be an option and so they started doing that.  An hour later, we were all loaded onto the bus to take us across the border.  We were all a bit worried by now because the Israeli side is supposed to be the hard part and we’d just spent hours on the Basil Fawlty.. sorry… Jordanian side.

Security, as expected was very high.  We were unloaded from the bus twice and had our passports checked no less than 5 times. 

If Jordan immigration is run by Basil Fawlty, then Israel is like High School Musical.  When you finally get off the bus, you have to hand over all your luggage under the watchful eye of an 18 year old dressed in jeans, tshirt, reflective glasses and an automatic weapon.

After giving a furtive glance at your luggage disappearing into xray machines, hoping that you will actually see it again; you line up to see teenage boy number 2, who checks your passports yet again and sends you to your next queue, which is the xray machine; manned by Vanessa Hudgens look alikes.  This was actually quite funny because most of the muslim women have loads of jewellery and hairpins under their black robes and they were not allowed through until it all came off.

Next up was immigration.   There were about 15 lines but only 2 for “visitors”.   Passport control officers consisted of 18 year old girls dressed in khaki army uniforms with hipster pants and army boots.  Their hair was all over the place like kids you see walking home from school, and they happily chewed gum in complete boredom and said “Hi.  Is this your first visit to Israel?”

After another hour, we made it through to yet another passport check, where another Vanessa told us that Zac Effron had a problem with our previously removed luggage and that we should sit with the other 300 people already there and wait for our name to be called.

We sat and watched Zac’s mates call up people and tip all of their clothes out of their bags everywhere and then have them repack it all, until Zac finally called us up.

He took us into a warehouse full of bags and said “do you see your bags here anywhere”.  We were completely puzzled – we couldn’t see our bags anywhere – I had thoughts of never seeing anything again!  “Ok great!” says Zac.  “You can go now” and he took us back to the gate where we shuffled to yet another passport check before finally being spewed out into a room filled with luggage.

We searched through piles and piles of bags before finally finding ours and headed, exhausted for the carpark.  It was now 3.30pm.

Notes for those thinking of using this crossing at Allenby/King Hussein.  Allow plenty of time (obviously!)  Also there are no ATM’s or money changers at Allenby to get shekels but the shuttle buses will accept dinars – make sure you have plenty before you leave Jordan or you will be forced to take a private taxi which is hugely expensive.